Recently, our hearts have been moved toward becoming parents. We seem to have decided on a home study agency, but still need to find an out-of-state placement agency. Still, we haven’t done any paperwork. Why?

Money. Career. Where-the-heck-is-my-life-headed. You know, that stuff.

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You see, as much as I LOVE our life at home, I still haven’t found a satisfying occupation, let alone career. And we can’t yet afford for me to be a stay-at-home-mom (thanks, Maryland economy). I’m not sure if I’d rather find a great job or be able to quit, but I know that I do not want to have a baby when I’m working full-time at a stressful job that I don’t enjoy. That would be a nightmare that I would prefer to avoid.

So, what do I do? Let’s look at the options:

1. Start adoption paperwork now. Pray I find a new job. And if I don’t, hope that we can afford the unpaid maternity leave. And hope that we don’t enter the realm of nightmares (see above).

2. Wait 3 to 5 years more before starting the paperwork, by such time we would hopefully be able to live on my husband’s income alone, or that plus something part-time for me. Downside: waiting, even more. And who knows if 3 to 5 years is enough. The DC area is expensive. It could be more like 5-10! And what if we’re not supposed to wait anymore? What if the one that is meant for us is coming sooner than we think?

3. Find the new job ASAP, one that uses my talents and (hopefully) has resources for adoptive maternity leave. Start the adoption paperwork after I get settled in that. Maybe have to struggle a bit with the full-time work in the beginning, but hopefully transition to something part-time in two or three years. Downside to this is getting a new job and making sure I like it. And given my track record, finding a new job takes a long, long time.

And as much as number 3 sounds the most logical, and number 1 the most insane, I’ve often seen that things fall together in a pinch when God’s involved with something. What do you think? Am I letting fear hold me back? Or should I focus on finding a career (as unlikely as that could be)?

After promptings from a number of people we know, we started praying a novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the intercession of St. Jude for my job situation. I know that something will come of this (it never fails), but I do not know what, yet. It is guaranteed to be answered on or before the 8th day, which is Sunday. I will publish a thank you after that date. June also happens to be the month dedicated to the Sacred Heart, so this is rather fitting.

sacred-heart-of-jesus

I know I’m asking the world in this post, but, basically, what is my vocation and how do I find it?

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14 thoughts on “Which Way to Adoption?

  1. I have come to belief that there is no ideal time to have children, adoption or not. We did the “ideal” thing just to find out we cannot have children the traditional way. So now we are going to spend a small fortune to be able to adopt, but have decided there is no ideal time to do it. So, we are just going to do it now and make it work. After years of planning and not having the plan work out, I’m not thinking forget the plan, do what isn’t necessarily the most rational decision but is the best decision for our hearts. I’ve decided to trust that it will all work out in the end.
    So, my advice, for whatever it’s worth, start the process now. The process isn’t quick, so you can look for a job at the same time and hopefully things fall into place. But whatever you choose, I hope things work out well for you!

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    1. You’re right, there’s never going to be an “ideal” time. I think I am leaning toward starting the process. At least putting in the application, and then taking our time with the home study. I wonder if I’m putting too many things on my plate at once, with the job stress and the adoption stuff. But then again, when I try to block out adoption and focus on the job thing, adoption keeps coming up. Probably should follow my heart on this one.

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  2. My 2 cents: if you are both feeling lead toward adoption and are on one accord with that, start the process. Sometimes the adoption process takes a long time – by then your career issues may have worked itself out. On the other hand, there may be a door waiting to open for you (career wise) that will only be opened once the adoption process has started (maybe through people you’ll meet or opportunities you’ll only hear about while going through the process of adoption). Finally, if you have to struggle for a few years in a career you don’t like while raising a child, it’s still a very short amount of time in comparison with the rest of your child’s life (Godwilling). Perhaps by the time your child is 2 or 3 you will have figured everything out. I do believe that God will provide for you as your needs arise, not necessarily before that time. If He is opening your hearts and opening the door toward and for adoption – walk through it! He will take care of the details! Love you so much, and praying for you & supporting you no matter what you guys decide!

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    1. I didn’t think about that- that maybe starting the process could lead to a career change for me, in some way. Maybe it is all part of God’s plan, and if I follow the promptings on this, it will all fall into place. Thank you so much for the encouragement! Love you too! ❤

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  3. I agree with what others have said. Start now. We were waiting and waiting for my hubby to get a better job and be in a better place financially… but it didn’t happen. So we started the process and, while he still hasn’t found anything job, everything is working out. Go where your positive heart is leading you (GOD) not where your fears are pushing you.

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  4. Job hunting is such a pain! I hate, hate, hate, hate it. I’m with you in a lot of ways, though I am able to be full-time right now; sometimes it feels like I have nothing – no career, no job I love, no children. Our situation is a little different, since we haven’t quite given up on trying yet, but it is such a tough question on when to start the paperwork.

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    1. Yes, Stephanie, that is definitely the feeling. Sometimes I’m like, “God, if I have to have infertility, can I at least have a satisfying job?!”

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  5. I see you are in Maryland; there is a wonderful adoption agency in Bethesda called Barker Foundation. We attended their orientation and pre-adoption training and they are wonderful.

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    1. Thank you Silvana! Yes, we actually went to an information session with Barker about a year ago. They were awesome! We really liked them. However, I think we are going to go with Adoptions Together as our home study agency because it is significantly less expensive ($4,000 vs $1500, roughly). We’re also looking for an agency in another state for placement services.

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  6. When I moved to the mountains, it was a prompting on my heart that didn’t make sense in a way, but it felt so right to take one step in that direction. Every place where it came time to take another step, there was a peace with that, even though there were so many questions that were still unanswered. I’ve also had processes start where the beginning steps felt right, and then I felt like I had to back off. In other words, starting the paperwork now is not the same thing as becoming a parent now. It may go quickly and smoothly and you feel peace with each step. Or you may start now and something may go slower later. But one step at a time is sometimes all you have to figure out!

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    1. That is an excellent point! Just because we fill out the application doesn’t mean we need to complete the home study yet… and if we do that it doesn’t mean we need to move forward. Except each step does cost $$, so it’s a little intimidating to think we might only do part of it. Still, you’re right. I should pay attention to the peace (or lack of peace) with each step.

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  7. When I got pregnant it was not at a good time in my life. Both my husband and I were waiters, and shortly after I found out I was pregnant we both got fired from our positions. That part is a long story, but I believe it was because I was pregnant. I was scared. Really, really scared i wouldn’t be able to provide the kind of life a child deserves. But I just kept on and held my head high and focused on one day to the next. I got a nice paying temp job while I was pregnant, and I gave birth, I was able to stay home for about two and a half months and then I got a temp job at a non profit. I was hired and promoted, and spent four wonderful years there. All that time I had been desperately trying to find a good paying job and make everything happen but as soon as I had a kid everything fell into place for both my husband and I. There’s no right way, or right time for anyone. Sometimes you just have to leap and trust you will fall where you need to.

    Another option you may not have thought of is you could provide at home daycare to other children while you are home with your little one.

    Wishing you the best in your journey!

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    1. Thanks, Tina! That is a great story. I have been told that once kids come, things seem to fall into place. I think part of what scares me is knowing that if I want to be a mom, I have to consciously and actively make it happen with adoption, so I second guess everything, including my own willingness to be a parent. I imagine it’s kind of the same thing for everyone else in the world too, though. I actually have a call scheduled today with another adoption agency. I think you’re right, I just need to make that leap. 🙂

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